Things I Love.

It's nice to reflect on these things once in a while. 

Baby animals

Baking something and it turning out perfectly

When someone has a crazy laugh

Babies

The smell of freshly baked bread

 Corn chowder

A cool breeze on a warm day

 Mountains

Sunsets and sunrises

Heavy rain 

Birthdays 

Tan skin

Hitting every green light

Salty popcorn

Big old trees

Getting a card in the mail

 Neck rubs

The feeling after cleaning my house

Cold nights

Laying on the beach

Vanilla candles

Chips 'n' dip

Cold pillows
Australian accents
When someone gets the door for me

Brown eyes

Things on sale
Baking

Being blonde
Moving house
Swimming
How small babies' shoes are
Sushi
Plumeria
Irish accents
Free samples at Costco
Organic products

My cookie recipe

Hiking

Shy laughter

Hot sand

Hiking
Pidgin

Getting my nails done

Scary movies

 French fries

Big purses

A good book

An ice cold glass of water

I'll add more here and there... :o)

My Mind as a Frayed Ribbon.

I think that's the best comparison. The moment I start thinking about something, or better yet coming to a conclusion or an understanding of it, a contradictory idea or potential outcome pops into my head. It's like picking at the end of a frayed ribbon in the hopes of trying to even it out, but actually all that really happens is that you make it even worse than it was to begin with.

I know this is all very vague and perhaps a little overly.."poetic" but I don't know how else to put it without getting into details I'd rather not share nor that I can explain adequately.  This general feeling of mental fabric snags has been eating away at me bit by bit and I can't seem to stop it.

"Get a grip," or "toughen up," automatically spring to mind, but then I can't help but wonder well, what if I don't? What's wrong with not being 100% all the time? Then, the aforementioned contradictions set in and my perfectionist tendencies quickly dismiss those "what ifs" and I go back to trying to figure out what's going on in this head of mine.

As i was telling a friend earlier, I went out for a run to try and clear my mind and the only conclusion I came to was that I hate running.

On my way back home I stopped at the small beach across from my condo and sat for a while. WARNING: This next part is going to sound obscenely cheesy and impractical to some people but it's how I feel so skip ahead if you are tempted to ridicule.  I sat on the beach and talked to God. I asked him to clear my mind, or to at least pick out the parts that were important and focus on working those out. I asked if I should leave it to Fate, and then I asked when do we stop leaving things to Fate and take them into our own hands? In what circumstances to I leave it up to the ways of the world, and in which do I make things happen myself? When do I make the effort or do I move on and leave things in the past? When do I accept things as they are, or try to change them to how I feel they should be?

As I'm writing this it's becoming more apparent that I can't really have the answers to any of these questions, because life would be easy then and well, it isn't, and it isn't for anyone. What I'm struggling to accept is that my life is out of my hands when I can't figure it out, and when I can, I take control. I've always felt that Fate isn't something that can be assigned to some aspects of life and not others; you either believe in it or you don't. But now I'm not so sure. My Mum told me the other day that she thinks I've grown up a lot since I've been here; that I'm not as "black and white" as I used to be, and now I understand that there are some gray areas. I do appreciate this perspective on life now, but it's still difficult to acknowledge it.

Typing all of this has been like water running from a faucet on high. It's just poured out freely and now it's as if someone's cut the water supply. After getting it all out into the written word, I have no conclusion, but I do feel strangely settled. Yesterday was just one day, as is today, and so will be tomorrow. I just need to take things a day at a time. <3

March 11th, 2011

Thursday started off like any other day. Actually it was even better, because I woke up early enough to get an iced Haupia latte from the coffee shop across the street (which was by the way, delicious). I drove to work and worked from 7-7. I was pretty exhausted by the time I got home, so I ate dinner and showered. Then, while I was in the shower, I got a call saying I needed to come back into work because there was a tsunami alert.

Tsunami alert? I almost didn't believe my coworker; they all knew I was tired after work that day so I thought they were playing a joke on me. But when he said to turn on the news, I saw Japan. I don't think the severity of the situation hit me between a daze of confusion, fear, and exhaustion. I quickly jumped out of the shower, got dressed and headed out to work. 

By this point it was around 10pm. I walked outside and there were people from every direction in my complex getting into their cars and driving away. We live in an evacuation area so regardless of getting called into work, I would have had to leave my home to get to higher ground. It didn't occur to me that there would be warning sirens throughout the town and the sound of them chilled me to the bone. I was so unfamiliar with this sort of situation, and here I was alone and freaked out. I think that initially, the thing that scared me the most, was calling to tell my parents. I could only imagine how worried they would be, and for a split second I contemplated not calling and letting them sleep through the night. But I couldn't do it and I called my Mum to let her know. This night, of all nights, I hadn't charged my phone so it was almost dead. Typical. I explained everything was fine and that I was headed into work, and would be in touch as and when I could.

When I got into work we gathered supplies and aided guests with evacuation. We had to evacuate the property for safety reasons since our property is ocean front. We had everyone to higher ground by around 11pm and began serving fresh chocolate chip cookies (in true Four Seasons style) and making up rollaway beds for all of the guests. The night seemed to pass by so slowly, and I eventually gave up and tried to nap in the back of someones truck. I woke up around 4am, which by this time, the tsunami had arrived, done it's damage, and left, like an angry ex-girlfriend. We were so anxious to see what had happened but had to wait until morning to survey the damage. The property did suffer some damage, but our staff has been absolutely fantastic and has pulled together in true "ohana" style. Everyone is working to restore the pristine condition our beautiful hotel maintains, and we'll be back and ready for business in no time :)

While I can go on and on about how afraid I was, I can't stop thinking how blessed we were on the islands. Being closer to Japan than we are to the United States, we could have suffered complete devastation and we woke up the next morning unharmed, if not a little shaken up. 

Japan continues to haunt my mind. It's all you read about online, it's all you hear about on the radio, and it's all you see on TV. The news goes from bad to worse and leaves you with a feeling of being punched in the stomach. I feel so helpless.

The American Red Cross are taking donations by SMS - text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation. I did.

Please keep the people of Japan in your thoughts and prayers, as I am. And always remember to count your blessings, we really don't have it nearly as bad as we tend to think. 

xoxo

Me ka aloha

Hey everyone!

Sorry I haven’t been on here for a while, I have been so incredibly busy and my internet isn’t set up yet so it’s been difficult to get online for a variety of reasons.

In short: I LOVE HAWAII!  This is the first time I’ve ever been to the islands, but I know even if I move away, it won’t be my last. It is such an incredibly beautiful place, with plumeria bushes everywhere and the ocean across the street from my condo.  Every night the sunset is like something you’d see on a postcard, and there’s always a nice cool breeze.  There are turtles sunbathing on the beach, and you can see whales along the coastline. There are small yellow love birds everywhere, and bright green geckos scurrying around. It is so incredible.

Work has been busy and exhausting, but I have learned more in these past three weeks than I’ve learned throughout my three years in college. Granted, my degree provided me with the foundations of hospitality knowledge, but actually being out in the field is a whole new ball game. I spent my first two weeks completing “New Manager Orientation,” a series of meetings scheduled with the department heads and even the General Manager, giving me the opportunity to build connections from the get go.  I was so thankful for this because it’s the first time I’ve moved away from home, and really didn’t know a single person out here.  It has also helped me to understand what kind of relationship my department (Rooms) has with the others, such as Engineering, F&B, Banquets, and so on.  I spent my next week training with the Housekeeping team, who I am spending the first six months of my rotation with. I had never been exposed to Housekeeping before, and this was one of the biggest eye-openers in my life. I always respected guest room attendants, but actually training to do what they do was phenomenal. The amount of sweat and oftentimes, tears that go into their job is amazing. The work is absolutely backbreaking and more often than not, very thankless. The women are incredible and I have even more respect for them than I did before.

It’s really great having my own place, paying my own bills, doing my own laundry (and no, I’m not being sarcastic). I’ll be the first to admit that after a 10 or 11 hour workday the last thing I want to do is throw some clothes in the laundry or file paperwork, but I am thankful I have the opportunity to do these things now. I have never had those responsibilities before and I really think they have helped me to mature quickly and given me the freedom to appreciate things a little bit more.

The most interesting thing to me about my leaving is how insightful this move has been, on many levels. I cannot believe the contrast between the people and the overall lifetstyle here, versus Vegas.  I couldn’t wait to get out of Vegas, and now looking at the city as an outsider, I am SOOOOO grateful I’m away from it. The people there are relentless, aggressive, selfish and conniving.  It is such a hardened, “what’s in it for me?” way to live and I despise that I was sucked into it for so long. Only a handful of people have sent me a text saying “how’s everything going?!” and a few of those weren’t even people I expected to hear from, but I’m glad I did. Other than that, my move to Hawaii has definitely confirmed who my real friends are and who I plan to keep connections with. Liking my Facebook status doesn’t mean you care, it means you want other people to see you’re "keeping in touch." I do miss a few people very much, and can’t wait to see them again.

That’s all for now, I’ll update again once I have a more reliable internet connection. If anyone has Skype let me know because I’d love to chat! 

I really am living in paradise.

We Made It!

This always, always makes me laugh.

25 Things.

RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things about you. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged.

1. I feel most at peace either by the water or in the mountains. Something about wide open spaces really seems to soothe my soul.

 

2. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I just want to change people's lives, and I really think I have the strength to do it. I just haven't quite figured out how, yet :)

3. I have two really strange "quirks;" 1) I cannot STAND the sound of jelly, butter, etc. being spread of toast and 2) I never ever finish a drink because I think the last inch or so is spit. I don't know why or when I developed these habits, but I just can't seem to shake them.

4. I lack a filter. If I want to say something, I feel as if I have the right to say it no matter what the consequence. I would never want to intentionally hurt someone, but I feel so compelled to say something, I won't hold back. This has caused a lot of people to dislike me or misinterpret my character, but I have always retained my sense of honesty and my right to voice my opinion.

 

5.I cry a lot more than I used to. I used to feel it was a sign of weakness and would only ever cry if I became angry, but now I cry for a lot of reasons.  Crying can be very refreshing and I don't try and fight it anymore.

 

6. I want to travel all over the world. I think everyone says that at one point or another, but I really mean it. I will see every place in the world that I want to see, no matter how long it takes me or how much money it costs me.

7. I hate when people say "You're so lucky" to me. I don't feel as if I am lucky AT ALL. Everything I have, I have worked incredibly hard for. I am blessed to have what I do, and I am eternally grateful for my family and all they have done for me, but I don't feel any of my life has been a result of being a lucky person. If anything, I create my own "luck."

 

8. I am a very independent person. I always have been, and I always will be. This does not mean to say, however, that I don't like having people close to me. Wanting people and needing people are very different things, and these days its hard for someone to accept that while they are WANTED, they are not NEEDED. I've just never felt as if I should rely on someone else for my own happiness. That should be all up to me.

9.I don't like phones. I don't like phone calls, I don't like text messaging - I used to be obsessive but now it feels more like a chore. This being said, there are a few people I could talk to on the phone for hours or text day in and day out. NOTE: I said a FEW people. ;)

10. If/when I ever get married, my wedding song will be "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis. I don't necessarily see myself ever getting married, but if it happens, that's the song.

11. I want to learn how to play the piano so badly. I just need a piano, and even an ounce of patience, but seeing as I have neither of these things, I may have to leave this goal for the future.

12. I have spent most of my life creating targets and speeding towards them at a million miles a minute. I never slow down, but I am slowly learning that I absolutely must learn how to. I'm only racing myself, and wherever I'm going, I'll get there: I just need to appreciate the journey, too.

13. I am definitely a giver by nature. I want to make as many people as happy as I can all of the time. While I like this about me, I feel it definitely makes me more susceptible to being taken advantage of. I once read in a book that you should "never have a wishbone where your backbone should be." It is not a bad thing in the slightest to see the best in everyone, but it's also not a bad thing to proceed with caution.

14. Turning 21 and graduating from college in the same two weeks was definitely a strange feeling. In fact, it wasn't really a feeling at all. People kept asking "How do you feel!? Is it weird!?" And the answer is, well, the same, and not really? I don't feel any different. The only feeling I have is that I have reached a sort of anti-climax; everything is finished and I've reached where I wanted to be for so long, and now..nothing. This will definitely all be changing as I begin my career in a couple of weeks and many more goals will unfold.

15. I always feel as if I'm waiting for something. I am waiting to finish this project, I am waiting to get to this destination, I'm waiting to talk to this person. I can appreciate the present, but I have so much in life that I want to achieve, it stacks up quickly and I feel as if I'm always living in a whirlwind. My life is organized chaos, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

16. I have been deeply affected by my past relationships. There are details of certain relationships I have been in that I will never divulge to anyone, for various reasons. I truly feel that these experiences have distorted my outlook on future relationships, but not in a negative way. I have been jaded, I do have my regrets, and I do wish one particular situation had never happened and I would take it back in a heartbeat for all the pain it has caused me, but if these experiences had never happened, I wouldn't know what I want and should expect from someone in the future. There ARE good people out there, and I'm finding more of them the more I reach out.

17. All I see is black and white. I don't "do" gray areas; everything with  me is cut and dry, yes or no. Granted, this is not exactly the most reasonable way to live, but it's who I am and who I have always been. This has proved to me in recent months to be borderline impossible, and I am (very) slowly accepting that sometimes, I just can't have the answers. At least, have them right away.

18. I never learned to ride a bike. There is nothing else to say about this one.

19. I want a miniature pig as a pet SO BAD. They are so cute and sweet. I will have one of those, two or three horses, two or three dogs, and maybe a cat..one day. I love animals and if I could (and if it wasn't gross) I would have a house full of them. Dogs sit with you when you're sad or grumpy and don't ask questions (obviously), and I love that.

20. I think the one thing that upsets me most about people is when they waste their potential. I'm aware it "isn't my problem," but I think it's the saddest thing in the whole world when someone SETTLES. Settling is never and has never been an option in my book, and I can't stand seeing other people doing it. The world is everyone's oyster.

21. I have recently been told that if I am irritated by something, or I don't like what I hear, I crack my neck from side to side. I never, ever realized I do that but now I am so aware of it, it drives me nuts. I can't help myself and it is now apparently obvious to people. I have never been able to hide my emotions, especially from my facial expressions, and now this is just another slip-up I have that gives me away.

22. I'm kind of freaked out by the fact I won't be going back to school for a year or two. I complain about school all semester, but I think I'm going to miss it. I do plan on going back when I have my career started, to get my Masters, my PhD, and I want to get some sort of degree or certification in culinary arts, too.

23. I put a lot of effort into my appearance but being honest, there is nothing more boring to me. I can't do my hair, I hate getting my nails done, and I would rather wear sweats over jeans any day of the week. The only thing I have fun doing is my makeup, because I like to experiment with different colors.

24. I am addicted to online shopping. I find a picture of something, whether it be a book, a picture, an outfit or an electronic, and I need it. Immediately. My poor debit card hates me and I thank the Lord I do not yet own a credit card. I can't help my appreciation for the finer things... :)

25. For the first time in my life, I have GOOD, REAL girlfriends. I have never been one to stick with one friend; I'm outgoing and know a lot of people from very different circles. Over the past two years, however, I have found a few girlfriends that I can trust, laugh, and cry with every single day. My best friend, Kim, is one of the most incredible people I know. No one has ever accepted me and appreciated me as much as she does. I am so thankful for my close friends and for the impact they have had on my  life.